領詩：一點都不簡單！

無錯。 領詩其實是一大難事。 又要挑選一些大家都比較認識的詩歌，但又不可以太死板，太無新意。

Even though, everyone knows that God is the centre of our worship, the ultimate Leader and Inspire-er of all our praise that goes on during the service, if I (in my role as the earthly inexperienced worship leader who doesn't know any better) don't think of ways to further enhance the pieces, or various possibilities to interpret difference pieces better, or to use the full potential of the band to encourage the congregation to worship with us, I feel as if I'm not doing my job and not fullfilling the awesome responsibility that the church and (more importantly) God Himself has given me. 每一次大家能夠一起敬拜其實都是一份十分之難得的機會.....and as a worship leader, i should never take it for granted and waste everyone's time.

一件事我覺得十分困難的就是picking songs. Having a very limited knowledge of Chinese hymns (traditional or contemporary; Mandarin or Cantonese) I'm already feeling like I've exhausted my knowledge of hymns only after leading worship twice (strictly speaking, once, because my 2nd time is this Sunday). 其實我認識的中文詩歌來來去去就是Jodie唱過的那些. This is really sad. For someone like me who's been to church all my life. And a choir member. And a worship leader now. I bet 80% of the congregation knows more hymns than I do. It just so happens that to me, all the hymns in the Hymns of Life sound the same (except for a select few like Amazing Grace). It seems that Chinese lyrics don't really talk to me. I can easily sing a hymn in Chinese on Sunday and then totally don't know what I just sang about.

Another thing is...領詩的時候，因該祈什麽的禱，讀什麽的經文？！ Like how do people know what to say and read without sounding extremely cheesy and rehearsed?! obviously they look and prepare before hand, but how can you actually do it without people going "omgdness this is SOOO canned!" I just try to avoid talking, but Jodie is right. Sometimes talking is important because it prepares the people for the next song and allows them to fully realize what the song is talking about. It just that everytime I feel like i have to switch back to English before I can say what I truly want to say. Especially when it's spiritual stuff.

Worship practices are also the ultimate test to one's ability to work as a team and to lead a group of extremely talented people. And I kid you not. The worship band is seriously a "crouching tiger hidden dragon" kinda place. You have people who have NEVER taken lessons before but can play like ARCT (i.e. Samuel and Si Mo). And then you have those who can play without looking at music (Leyond) and others who can make perfect transitions from the most bizarre key to the next most bizarre key. And then theres me. 學了差不多十年鋼琴還是對音樂不太認識. Can't improv. Can't change keys. Can't make up bridges or introductions. 有時候,真是要問神一句: WHAT AM I DOING HERE?! Who am I to lead this bunch of geniuses??!?!?!? I should be in my own little corner doing my own random harmonies, NOT standing up and telling them what they should play and how they should play it. 其實應該是他們告訴我每一段應該要怎麽唱, not the other way around. But I think this is God's way of making me 醒定 D: to never fluke a practice or to think that I can wing it. To never lead a practice unprepared. To never assume that I can just bs my way through a worship practice because I'm working with knowledgable people. People who know what music is about. People who are experienced. People who know better than me. 神要告訴我，因爲我對音樂還是不認識，我就要給別人付出多一點的時間，努力，去了解每一首歌. I must go to practice prepared, having an approximate idea of what I think is good. Even though in the end, my ideas may prove to be faulty and not good enough, at least I did not go into practice relying on others, all the while claiming to be the leader.

In terms of leadership, worship practices make me realize just how inadequate I am. Yes, an extremely inadequate leader that needs all the help she can get. During practices, I notice that I keep begging for input and ideas from the musicians because I know that mine are never the best. Knowing my own limited ability and creativity in music made me realize that the amount of resources that are available in the band for consultation. Knowing my own inexperience made me realize how important the team is as a whole to the whole worship experience. And being painfully aware of the incompleteness of my musical ideas, my insensitivity to sound, and my ignorance of spiritual experiences, made me realize that God placed me in this role not so that I can lead, but so that I can learn.

Currently listening: 神，你伴我行　
(haha maybe God will one day let me write something as beautiful as this for Him)