The (nonexistent) Passion of the Kathy

If there is one thing that I really want right now, it would be passion. Not romantic passion, but a passion for something so that it becomes the goal, purpose, and/or definition of your life. For example, some (great) people have a passion for finding the cure to cancer and other (still great) people have a passion to be a wonderful wife/mother, so that day in day out they focus on this goal and everything they do is oriented to this goal. Their plans revolve around the goal, they know exactly what they need to achieve in order to reach their goal, and even though there might be set backs, the goal is still awfully clear and solid. And although at times there might be a need for detours, they will not be led astray by where their detours lead them, but will be able to firmly march towards their goal. Although at times there might be a need to reevaluate and re-plan the route to the goal. the goal itself never changes. From beginning till the end, the goal is precise, definite and never watered down to accommodate for weaknesses or failures.

But before this goal can materialize, passion is needed. Before you know what you want to achieve, you'll need to know what you want. The cancer-curer wants to cure cancer, hence he will be diligent in his study of biology (or whatever you need to know to cure cancer). The mother-to-be wants to be a good mother, hence she will practice her patience and learn to cook/wash (or whatever mothers need to learn before they can become mothers).

The equation seems fairly simple: having passion for something leads to that thing's importance in your life, which leads to a plan to achieve that thing, which leads to a higher rate of success. We all know that people tend to do better in things that they actually like/enjoy/love/are passionate about.

Come on God, give me passion for something so that I can figure out what I'm suppose to be doing here.

思韵私房菜 之 Apple Chunks in Sauce

Ingredients:
Apples － 幾個, peeled and chopped into chunks
Honey - 隨意
Water - 少許

Procedures:
1. Place apples and water in a pot.
2. Cook slowly until apples are tender (i.e. you can easily divide them using your chopstick/whatever you happen to be using).
3. If the pot seems low on water, add more water but not too much.
4. Add honey.
5. Cook until there's hardly any water left and everything looks edible.
7. Take a cooking utensil and furiously mash up everything.
6. Eat.

Hint: Better tasting when eaten warm. Excellent way to get rid of week-old apples lying around the dorm.

前車可鑑

I've always had a problem with people who keep making the same mistakes over and over again. I know that it is okay to make mistakes but when someone repeatedly makes the same mistakes, it seems to me that the person is not giving a sufficient amount of effort to truly rectify their wrongs. Or that they have not truly learned their lesson yet.

Today I was in the middle of my shower when the water turned completely cold. Immediately I knew what has happened: I did not pay my hot water bill. My mom actually reminded me yesterday on the phone to pay my bills and I told her not to worry because I've learned my lesson last time when my electricity got cut. To make it worse, it just so happens that today is a Saturday, meaning that the finance office is closed and I'll have to wait until Monday to pay the fees (i.e. no hot water until Monday). Funny how this post eerily resembles this post.

Currently listening: 抬起我的頭來 - 楊千嬅

Libraries

I remember, about half a century ago, when the biggest question of my life was where I should go after high school. I remember poring through viewbooks and trying to replace the beautiful sunshine and green grass that are commonplace in the photos with the pouring rain and grey that is probably more typical of the average university. One thing I really didn't get back then was why these viewbooks would most definitely include a grandios, full-spread photo and some sort of paragraph dedicated to their in-school libraries that, 9 out of 10 times, look like they were built to the description of the library in Hogswarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I didn't think anyone would really care about books enough to select an university based on the size of a library, or the amount of books a library has, or how the library looks like.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, half a century later, I do. If a student needs to take 10 minutes before she can find a decent studying spot in the library, deduct one point from that university. If she needs another 10 minutes to find a decent studying spot that is in close proximity to an electrical outlet, deduct five. If the library's book collection basically consists of around 15 slightly larger than classroom sized rooms with shelves half filled with books, deduct 10. If 90% of the results on the library's catalogue search are merely links to online "e-books" (which, mind you, are not truly flesh-and-blood books), you might as well only apply to online courses. If the library does not (or cannot) make you want to do your work (and instead, you start blogging), you might as well start listing other alternatives.

Currently listening: How High the Moon - Ella Fitzgerald

Help Wanted

Wanted: lesson(s) on friendship.

Female, 20 year old, Chinese, outed Type A-ist needing to relearn ABC's of friendship. Has no problem making acquaintances and talking to people but may possibly be friendship-challenged, clueless or just (God forbid) too selfish. History of receiving complaints from close ones. Please help before she starts considering herself doomed.

陳綺貞太陽演唱會

很快地在上海打了個轉．目的就真的只有一個： 期待已久的陳綺貞太陽演唱會.

陳綺貞演唱會只能用一個字形容: 正! 大家都超 high +　企足2.5小時 + encored 5 times. 陳綺貞 is really amazing. She has this way of totally engaging her audience. However, at times I felt that she was just singing by herself and to herself, as if the 20 000 of us sitting in the audience weren't really there. When she sings, her voice really interprets the lyrics and I felt as if she was singing her feelings of the moment (which couldn't be true because she sang all sorts of songs). The 演唱會 was very simple: no dancers, no special guests, no eye-catching costumes. Just 陳綺貞, her guitar and her 5-man band (and the occasional strings section). 她不但唱了很多她最新專輯的歌, 還唱了很多以前讓大家喜歡她的歌, like 還是會寂寞, 告訴我, 旅行的意義, 1234567, 妒嫉, etc. The entire night I was secretly praying that she would sing 會不會, a song of her's that has touched me very deeply. I didn't really think she would sing it because it isn't one of her more popular songs but FINALLY, at the 4th or 5th encore she sang it. 她演場唱比CD跟加有味道. The one thing I really didn't like was the sale of Cheer concert T-shirts/pencil bags/environmental bags at the gates. They were majorly overpriced and I really didn't identify Cheer with such consumerism. Anyways all in all it was great.


Currently listening: 會不會 - 陳綺貞

Type A Kathy rants

今天我差不多發脾氣.

差不多發脾氣事件#1: For one of my courses, we have to do a group literature review. That is, we have write a mass essay (2000 words/person) in groups of five. All the other girls in my group are local students and today we got together to discuss our strategy in tackling this mass project. The problem is, we all have so many different views of how this should be done that we spent a lot of time just arguing how the work should be divided. On top of that their language of preference is Mandarin and mine, obviously, is English. When we "debate" our methods, we have to switch between two languages which basically means that we don't get 100% of what the other person just said. As a result, they would discuss amongst themselves in Mandarin and find someone to translate to me in English and I really didn't like that because 1. I feel that I'm not participating fully, 2. they significantly condense the English translation in order to save time, 3. it's frustrating to be able to only comprehend a few phrases in a long sentence and 4. when I explain my ideas to them in English, I feel that they don't understand what I'm trying to say. 弄到我整個人都覺得很煩躁 and completely not in the mood to be a team player.

差不多發脾氣事件#2: I WANT TO GO TRAVELING. 很難得下禮拜不用上課, 本來打算去外走走. As mentioned previously, one of the key reasons for coming to China is to go traveling and see the places that I've always hear of or read about but never been to. I see next week as the PERFECT opportunity to go traveling because 1. no classes at all, 2. I still have money, 3. I have nothing to do, 4. I didn't come all the way to China to hang out in Ningbo and 5. the weather is gorgeous. I thought about staying in Shanghai for one more day after Cheer's concert on Saturday night but the friend that I'm going with has to come back to Ningbo on Sunday. I thought about going to somewhere a bit further away like Suzhou since I have 3 more days off after coming back for Shanghai (better yet, I can just leave from Shanghai). But my other friend who said she'd go vacationing with me says shes too busy to afford a 3-4 day vacation and wants to restrict the trip to a 1 day thing to Shaoxing. It took a lot of persuasion on my part before she even agreed to consider a 2-day-1-night thing to Shaoxing. But honestly, I think it's a waste of perfectly fine time to go traveling to some further places since Shaoxing can easily be done on a weekend. She keeps telling me that I will have plenty of opportunities in April/May to go to other places for weekends but I just feel that we'll keep getting more and more busy. Another thing that's bugging me is that I know she's super busy and probably doesn't really want to go to these places with me because she's probably been to all of them and honestly I don't want to force her to go anywhere if she doesn't want to go. But if she doesn't go, it means that I might have to consider going alone but I can't imagine how that will be like. Or if my mom would ever let me do that.

Argh. Why can't everything be simple, straightforward, bam-bam-bam, figure-it-out-now?
Relax Kathy, at least you have Cheer's concert to look forward to.

Currently listening: 靈感 - 陳綺貞

天降假期

Great News #1: Suddenly found out that I have an (almost) one week long break next week. Time for a much awaited vacation to soak up some beautiful weather, Chinese culture, great food and fun. Heading out to Shanghai this Saturday for Cheer's concert then I have until Thursday to vacation and travel.

Great News #2: I am officially hired for a summer internship this July in Hong Kong for a law firm. 終於可以試試做中環 OL 的滋味...like 同事三分親.

Great News #3: Canteen 早餐 menu 上的神秘"黑米粥", 原來就是我最喜歡吃的"黑糯米糖水"!　More motivation to wake up earlier in the mornings to head out to the canteen to catch breakfast．其實 canteen 的 open hours 都很不方便．Breakfast is served from 6:30-8:30 (救命，誰那麽早起床？), lunch is 11:30 - 1:30 and dinner is 4:30 - 6:30 (I don't know who eats dinner at 4:30). 三點三明明就是下午茶的時候，難道過了一個多小時又可以再吃嗎？ I asked my local friend why they served dinner so early and she said "我們跟你香港人不一樣, 沒有下午茶所以晚餐要吃早一點吧." And it wasn't until two weeks ago that I realized 寧波沒有茶樓. 原來"飲茶"真的是廣東人的專利. But Guangdong is only actually two provinces away. China is just too diverse.

Currently listening: 架勢堂

我愛春天

妒嫉一下吧, 我們寧波今天 20 度, 天朗氣清, 陽光充沛, 清涼微風, 空氣一流 and i don't have allergies =). Spent the afternoon playing Ultimate with some friends. I never realized that Ultimate is such an intense and tiring game. They were wearing cleats, uniforms and had special techniques. 真的很厲害 + pro.


At Sunday gathering this morning, we had a birthday. I will take this opportunity to introduce to you all 現在中國最流行的生日 candle. In the first picture above, you can see that the candle has one massive flame. After around 5 seconds, the candle splits and opens up (the second photo) into a lotus flower-shaped candle and starts to sing Happy Birthday. The most amazing thing is that 30 minutes after we have blown out the candle and threw it away, it was still singing happy birthday. 長氣到不行. This awesome birthday candle comes free with the purchase of a cake. I think that 加拿大美心, 大幅, 松屋 etc should 自我檢討一下.

Currently listening: The Heart of the Matter - India Arie
You better put it behind you baby; life goes on.

Where the Hell is Matt?

A lot of people have seen this video before but for those of you who haven't, enjoy.
I myself have seen it (too) many times but every time I watch it, I cannot help but get a strong feeling. I'm not quite sure what this feeling is though.

An Old Friend

Yesterday, I picked up something that I've put down for three years already. I was surprised at how nervous I was as I got ready to tackle this challenge again, considering that this was something that I used to be considerably good at and proud of. I was afraid that I've lost all my knowledge of how It's done, the techniques, the rules, the ability and the atmosphere. Furthermore, I was half-convinced that my efforts to re-acquaint myself with this old friend would be futile; I will (or so I predicted then) discover that I no longer loved It, no longer wanted to invest time and energy into It, and just give up trying altogether.

I decided to quiz myself on how much I remembered after three years. As I tried to get ready, I suddenly realized that I could no longer recall how to get ready, even though It was something that, until three years ago, I did twice a week for four years. I also painfully discovered that I could no longer recall the language, or lingo, that is commonly used during It. As I watched other people get ready, people that are surely not as experienced as I once was, I couldn't help but think if they realize that I'm a veteran, albeit one that has quit already for a few years, but nonetheless, a practitioner that once spent a lot of time on It.

As It started, I recalled the familiar scent of aching, tried bodies that fills the room of It. Yet, at the same time, there was something missing, something that makes this room of It players different than the room that I once frequented. There was no air of discipline, hard-work, perseverance, discipline, and the strong but undeniable realization that only a slim border separates all of us from "same old" and "yes! I did better than last week".

As I got into the motions, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that I still remembered all the techniques, but equally appalled to realize that it was all only in my head. My body no longer worked the way it used to. My advanced head knowledge of It was restricted by what my body was capable of doing and mocked by the memories of times when everything was second nature. I suddenly caught a glimpse of something that I've always been most afraid of. Old age: an inevitable conclusion to every man's life, a time when one's body no longer obeyed one's will, a time when one's memories shine far brighter than the present and, most likely, the future.

At the end of it all, I was exhausted. Not so much from the physical motions itself, but from the frustration of having my head perpetually tell my body that "This is not how it's done! Why don't you try again." and from having to reach into my memories to re-learn things that I've learned long before but have now, somehow, managed to forget.

At least somewhere along the way, I remembered my great passion for It and that it itself is powerful enough to warrant more attempts of a comeback from this retiree.

Glory to the God on High

Today she very clearly demonstrated to around 20 of us the One she will be following. Her gesture also made me learn a lesson: although I've never seen it done in a bathtub, I'm sure it's just as sacred, powerful and meaningful as someone doing it in the Jordan River itself.

Hallelujah, to the Lord of Heaven and Earth!

Another lesson that I, unfortunately, had to re-learned today is that the reason why God sometimes doesn't talk to us is because, frankly, even if He did, we wouldn't be listening or paying attention anyways. But if, like the young Samuel, we start to realize that God is indeed speaking to us and are willing to say "Speak, Lord, for Your servant is listening", God will definitely reveal Himself to us through His Word, just as what He did for Samuel.


昨天去了 Walmart (yes they have a huge one here) 就買了一個迷你"盆菜". 晚上跟一些本地的學生享受了一頓很溫暖的晚餐 in the school canteen.

Currently listening: God of Wonders - Third Day & Caedmon's Call (although I am a worship leader, I must admit that I'm usually not a huge fan of praise music probably because they usually sound about the same for me, esp. the Chinese ones. But occasionally I do get the one or two with lyrics that really touch me and this song is one of them.)

我太無聊，所以煩一些無聊的．．．

One of the key things I want to do during my 4 months exchange here in China is to travel around China. Initially, I was most interested in visiting Beijing, Shanghai, and Tibet. I told my mom this and she actually laughed at me and said that I shouldn't be expecting to travel throughout China in a matter of 4 months (on top of school) because China is just too big for that.

Now that I've been here for almost a month and gotten to know (at least geographically) where I am and what's around, I have made up a mini list of what I can do during the school term, approximately how much time it would take to visit and whether I would have time to make these trips.these places (Beijing is excluded from this list because I'm going there after my exams end in June. Shanghai is also excluded because I will be spending a lot of time there in May):

Hangzhou/Shaoxing (1-2 hours bus away from Ningbo) - an easy weekend. But this will have to wait till when the weather clears up because it would really suck to see the infamous West Lake in Hangzhou when it's all rainy. Shaoxing (land of ancient temples, Lu Xun's childhood home, and such) is also on the way from Ningbo to Hangzhou so this can be a two birds one stone kinda trip.

Suzhou/Nanjing (at least 5 hours train to Suzhou, another 5 hours to Nanjing) - more difficult trip to make since this trip could take more than a week. Firstly, I've heard that Nanjing, as the capital of the Ming dynasty and the ROC, is so packed with history that one cannot possibly see everything in this city. Suzhou, which is also somewhat "along the way". Like Nanjing, it's also in Jiangsu which is the province north of Zhejiang (where I am right now). It is infamous for its charming scenary, a stop for the Grand Canal and being a prosperous city back in the Tang and Song dynasties. Also, 金裝四大才子s are "蘇州三寳".

Wenzhou (10 hours train) - optional trip for the weekend (I have half a Thursday and the whole Friday off anyways). My friend is from there and her family is still there. She says that there is a very strong 江南味道 there.

Huangshan/Jingdezhen (8 hours train) - not dying to go there but it could be interesting since it is a very famous scenic mountain. It's also where they filmed "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" although I'm not a huge fan of that film. And of course, Jingdezhen is the famous pottery place that I learned about in my Chinese school textbook.

Looking at my list, I can't help but wonder why all the places I want to go all have very similar descriptions (i.e. something to do with scenery or history). I hope they don't all turn out to be the same.

With only limited time and money, where shall I go?!?!!?!?!

Currently listening: Celos - Gotan Project

加拿大人

Having been here for almost a month now, I cannot help but notice some of the interesting comments made by others when they know that I'm Canadian/Vancouverite/North American:

Guy: So you're not British?
Me: Ya, I'm not, I'm Canadian. Can't you tell by my American accent? I don't have that British thing going on.
Guy: No not really. Canadians are a bit of everything.

Prof: So, has Vancouver been overrun by Asians yet?
Me: Uh, no not really...
Prof: Almost?
Me: Haha maybe...
Prof: I also heard that UBC stands for "University of a Billion Chinese".
Me: Possibly....

Person: So, you're from Canada?
Me: Ya!
Person: Oh Canadians are nice and boring.
Me: Oh. uh that's great.

(in an irish pub with a tv showing a hockey game)
Me: Whoa is that hockey?
Friend: Whoa look at her she's totally Canadian.

Friend: Oh so Kathy, maybe you can bring some Canadian food to our potluck!
Me: Oh, there really isn't any "Canadian" food.
Friend: So, you guys do the whole fast food thing?
Me: Ya basically...ooh but we do have poutines!
Friend: Poutines? What's that?
Me: fries with gravy and cheese...
Friend: Oh. fast food.
Me: uh ya.

Friend: Football tomorrow?
Me: You mean soccer?
Friend: No I mean football. We play it with our foot.

Some local students have also commented on my Canadian-Chinese identity:

local student A to local student B: 明明就是中國人，爲什麽要跟她說英語？
me to her: Oh, it's because I don't know Mandarin very well.
local student A to local student B: 喔！聼得懂的??!
me to her: 是的, 你也可以直接跟我説話.

me to 小販: 炒麵
小販: 你不是本地人.
me: 你怎麽知道?!
小販: 聼你說"炒麵"兩字就知道!

Then there are locals (students, storekeepers, taxi drivers, whatever) that refuse to believe I'm actually not local Chinese, that I cannot speak Mandarin fluently or that I'm from Canada even when I try to explain it to them. When I talk to them in Mandarin, they seem slightly amuse that my pronunciation is off, that I speak at the pace of a snail, and I repeatedly tell them 說慢一點,我聼不懂.

This has nothing to do with identity but thought I'd share this one:
I was showing a local student a photo I took back in December of a some deers in front of my house in Coquitlam. He asks me why they weren't in a zoo. I bursted out laughing.

Currently listening: 星夢情真 - 陳慧琳 (this is probably the only song I like from her)

btw, happy 雷鋒日!

lesson of the day #2

自己住...突然有很多平時不用作的事情都要自己做. 好像煲湯 (i lost my "soup virginity" today), 打掃,　and the laundry. I thought I was on top of it all until last night I came back to my room and found that I couldn't turn on the lights. Or the heater. Or anything. Then it struck me.



I forgot to pay my electric bills.

Ended up spending most of the time at my friend's dorm and then watching "Pretty Woman" on my laptop until that ran out of battery too.

Yup. Lesson learned.

Currently Listening: Toxic - Yael Naim

三件事

This weekend, three things made me really happy:


1. My "alcoholic" British friends and I at an Irish pub in 老外灘 (the Ningbo equivalent of 蘭桂芳 but smaller) for dinner on Friday night to curb our "white food" cravings with pizza and beer. They even had a hockey game going on the big plasma TV. I think it was Canada vs. China or something. (This photo is staged, they aren't actual alcoholics)


2. 陳綺貞演唱會飛...終於到手.

3. I now have somewhere to go on my Sunday mornings and I LOVE IT!

Currently Listening: Dancing Queen - ABBA (admit it, we all secretly love this song)