Windy Day

UBC was so windy today that it reminded me of a Disney Winnie-the-Pooh video that I really liked to watch when I was a kid. I think it was called "Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day". Something like that...

Yup, I just googled it. My memory is better than I thought but only for 無聊 things like this. The more important that I really should remember, like how terrorist groups fund their activities, or when the presidency of FDR was, or if UNFIL is in Lebanon or in Liberia, or the difference TVEs and SOEs...I just can't seem to stuff into my mind.

Today's Top Ten

1. 爲什麽台慶那麽無聊?

2. 爲什麽曾志偉年年都要搞到女星們超狼狽他才滿意?

3. How can any body claim to represent another without first consulting with the latter?

4. Why is my Starbucks tumbler leaking?

5. Why can't I play a song on the piano with the melody in the left hand?

6. Why can't people see beyond the immediate future?

7. Why can't I insist on finishing my readings, as oppose to continuing to procrastinate?

8. Why do the yellow yams in my 番薯糖水 today taste not as sweet as the purple yams?

9. Why does my writing slant to the right?

10. 爲什麽無綫的劇集總是喜歡"爛尾"?

of course, i have so many more questions than that, but if I were to continue, I wont be able to wake up to go to UBC tomorrow so let's just leave it at that.

currently listening - 黑風暴雨 by 鄭中基 (karen's listening to it beside me so by default i'm listening too)

A Bitter Rant (?)

i've always been incapable of expressing extreme emotions, particularly sadness, rage or disappointment. I had previously tried to express them through comprehensible words and sentences (written or verbal) but always somehow manage to descend into a mad rant or unintelligible rambling of some sort. For someone who, (no fake Chinese humility here) has a bit of talent in writing academic papers, I can't write something that truly expresses my feelings even if my life depended on it. The true question is, perhaps, what's the point of knowing how to read and write when one can't even express one's own feelings?

I am so sad that I do not think I experience such sadness frequently. But at the same time, Jesus is reminding me right now that my sadness is not even a faction of what He's feeling right now. It is because He was the one who died on that cross for His church, not me. It was because the church represents Him on this earth until He returns and yet we always manage to make a mess out of it, through our own selfish ambitions, our self-righteous acts, our sinful nature, our vulnerability to Satan, our poor decisions and, ultimately, our distance from the true Head of the Church.

Yet, God allows all things to happen for a reason. He doesn't make us go through things for vain nor does He allow bad things to happen because He takes pleasure in them. And it is at times like these that all the teaching that i've collected for the past twenty years come into play: to maintain my faith in God and not in the church, to continue to praise God despite the lack of olives and grapes and cows and lambs or whatever else that might be missing, to see beyond this and pray for healing, reconciliation and God's will to be done.

I actually thought this was going to be a bitter, negative rant when I started typing those first few words. But once again, God has managed to turn my tears into something positive. In a matter of five minutes and less than four paragraphs.

The Start of Christmas

Finally one semi-sunny day after weeks of rain and disgusting-ness; I can finally wear flats instead of boots to school and wear a long coat, not a waterproof jacket. Next week is already the last week of term 1 (so quick!). I promise I will not skip a single class.

Had the opportunity today to take a brief excursion into Metrotown after having dinner with Irene at the Cactus Club across the street. Took 10 minutes to find a parking spot, no wonder Christmas shopping is so stressful for everyone. The mall was so crowded and it was so Christmasy. I really hope I have time to leisurely shop somewhere for Christmas presents soon but I guess this will have to wait till at least after Dec 21st...that's when my last exam is (UBC finds a way to screw me over annually).

For starters though, I got my first Christmas present done today (and I even gave it to the person already). Every year, my family would go through a draw where we draw out each other's name. With the name, we buy a Christmas present for that person (so, like Secret Santa). This year, I got my mom. Just so happened that I found out Karen got dad so we secretly did a deal where we would buy tickets to go see 張偉文 for them. Dad almost got the tickets but he didn't want to spare 38$/ticket to go watch. Finally, we used Benny's credit card to get the tickets for them via ticketmaster and it wasn't even the $38 ones, we got them the $89 ones. Hopefully they'll have a great time.

Last week, I started writing down everything I spend on. In a matter of a week, I spent $200...half to my ridiculous Rogers bill ($90, I didn't know that they started charging for RECEIVED text too) and the other half on other 'student neccesities' like food and Starbucks. It's sad that I can easily spend that much money in a week whereas my dad 不捨得 to spend $38 to see a singer that he really wants to see. I really should reign in my spending. I think for starters, I should stop drinking starbucks and bring my own tea. Secondly, I should stop eating bought food and pack my own snacks. I already bring packed lunch to UBC daily (my mom packs my lunch) but, for anyone that knows me, I am always hungry so I always end up buying a chocolate bar at the vending machine or a cookie from Blue Chips. I should pack my own food...healthier food too. Stuff like crackers and apples.

Much needed: slashings on a lazy student

I don't know what's gone into me. Lately, I've been feeling a lack of motivation, so much that I don't even care how good my work is or whether I will get good marks as long as I get it done. Why is this happening now? I'm in my 4th year: arguably the most important year of my undergrad career, and possibly the deciding factor for my future path. Why am i slacking off? This is almost unheard of for Kathy Wong (emphasis: almost). Sure, I've slacked before but for one month straight? What's going on?!?!? At the rate I'm going, I'd be lucky to not get a significant drop in my gpa, nevermind applying for graduate school.

Does anyone know how to whip a lazy student back into shape?

哈巴谷書 3:17-19 之 第二回

雖 然 無 花 果 樹 不 發 旺 ，

葡 萄 樹 不 結 果 ，

橄 欖 樹 也 不 效 力 ，

田 地 不 出 糧 食 ，

圈 中 絕 了 羊 ，

棚 內 也 沒 有 牛 ；

然 而 ， 我 要 因 耶 和 華 歡 欣 ，

因 救 我 的 　 神 喜 樂 。

我以前已經把這句聖經放在這裡 (albeit in English) but this verse speaks to me anew every time I see it. The context of the entire book is the Kingdom of Judah bracing for an imminent attack from the militarily stronger Babylons (actually my Near Eastern Studies - History of Ancient Mesopotamia class talked about the Babylonian/Chaldean invasion of Judah). Although the first few chapters are filled with gloom, despair and the questioning of God's wisdom, Habakkuk ends his work with a song of praise to God. In the end, it is our God who is "our strength; making our feet like the feet of a deer, enabling us to go on the heights".

Thank you, Jesus

Thank you Jesus, because You've reminded that it is through trials that I can see more of You.
Thank you Jesus, because through what is going on, You've allowed me to grow stronger in You.
Thank you Jesus, because You have told me that I am blessed when I am at the end of my rope: with less of me there is more of You and Your rule
Thank you Jesus, because You have given me enough wisdom to be able to tell what I should and should not do.
Thank you Jesus, because You haven't given me too much wisdom so that I only rely on myself and not on You.
Thank you Jesus, because You have prepared me to handle this.
Thank you Jesus, because You have surrounded me with people that support and help me handle this.
Thank you Jesus, because You have reminded me also to not place my trust in people, or leaders, or institutions but in You and only You.
Thank you Jesus, because I know that through this we can be more unified.
Thank you Jesus, because You won't let us fight this battle alone.
Thank you Jesus, because You have given me hope.
Thank you Jesus, because You remind me that, in the end, this is all about You.
Thank you Jesus, because no matter how heartbreaking this gets, You will never forsake me.
Thank you Jesus, because no matter how disappointing this gets, You never disappoint.
Thank you Jesus, because no matter how hopeless this looks, Your ways are still far greater than ours.
Thank you Jesus, because no matter how much harder this gets, Your grace is still sufficient.
Thank you Jesus, because on the cross I saw love and sorrow mingled down.
Thank you Jesus, because through that hymn today, I realized that in the midst of sorrow, there can still be love.
Thank you Jesus, because through what has happened, I have developed a greater thirst for You.
Thank you Jesus, because through this, You have forced me to seriously contemplate why I choose to serve.
Thank you Jesus, because You have taught me that serving is not always easy.
Thank you Jesus, because I see people around me that are going through the same sorrow and yet they still love.
Thank you Jesus, because You've reassured me that You will be in charge of tomorrow.
Thank you Jesus, because You're in charge of today, right now.
Thank you Jesus, because this is a valuable lesson that I must learn.
Thank you Jesus, because You've forgiven my sins.
Thank you Jesus, because You understand how I feel.
Thank you Jesus, because You care.
Thank you Jesus, because it is You who give me the strength to still wake up every Sunday morning at 7am.
Thank you Jesus, because You haven't allowed me to be numbed by all the words and emails of the past two months.
Thank you Jesus, because I see more clearly than ever because of this.
Thank you Jesus, because You look into our hearts, not our actions.
Thank you Jesus, because in my deepest sorrow, You still comfort.
Thank you Jesus, because You've called Your own servants to lead and mediate during this difficult time.
Thank you Jesus, because You have reassured me that You're still working through PMPGMBC.
Thank you Jesus, because in Your word, I know that if we are willing to turn back to You, You will listen and take us back.
Thank you Jesus, because all this is not for nothing.