Couple years ago, I did one of those online Enneagram tests (the ones that tell you what kind of person you are out of 9 pre-determined personality types). I am pretty certain that I was a hardcore Type 8 ("The Leader: The powerful, aggressive type.").
I did test again just now and somehow, I have changed into someone else: split-even between Type 1 (The Reformer: The rational, idealistic) and Type 7 (The Generalist: The enthusiastic, productive type.)
Either way, I still scored the lowest in Type 2 (The Helper: The caring, nurturing type.) and Type 9 (The Peacemaker: The easygoing, accommodating type).
Eh. guess I'm still the same.
Showing posts with label Type A. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Type A. Show all posts
Friday, September 24, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Lessons from Michael Buble
Last night, after seeing Michael Buble at GM Place (aka Rogers Arena now), I wiki-ed him when I got home. According to Wikipedia, when Buble was a teenager, he'd sleep on his Bible and pray really hard that he could become a singer.
In my memory, there was a handful of times in my life so far where I've felt like I really want something and that I cannot imagine my life if I were to fail to get or achieve it. It's as if day in day out my thoughts would just go back to this one thing that I'm trying to achieve and that every other priority, responsibility or possibility just pales compared to this one big glowing "destiny" that I'm striving to fulfill.
Sometimes, I'd be pushing full-force ahead: I would be really confident that I can achieve this "Manifest Destiny" like there's no other way that things could possibly unfold and that this is what's "meant to be". I'd be confident enough to go and tell others that "ya, that's what's gonna happen to me in ____ amount of time". I'd be confident enough to take every step that I need to take in such a way that I don't treat them as hurdles in my path to success but rather as just steps (like how one most boil water and open the package of instant noodles before one can cook instant noodles to eat - the act of boiling water and opening the package are just steps, not hurdles).
Other times, I just want to sleep through all of it and refuse to acknowledge the fact that I must do what I must. I'd be convinced that there's no way I can do it but maybe luck can bring me through. I'd regret ever telling people that I'm trying to achieve this because I'll be so afraid of having eventually to admit that I've failed in front of these people. Or having to face myself for my failures.
Well, at least things worked out for Buble.
In my memory, there was a handful of times in my life so far where I've felt like I really want something and that I cannot imagine my life if I were to fail to get or achieve it. It's as if day in day out my thoughts would just go back to this one thing that I'm trying to achieve and that every other priority, responsibility or possibility just pales compared to this one big glowing "destiny" that I'm striving to fulfill.
Sometimes, I'd be pushing full-force ahead: I would be really confident that I can achieve this "Manifest Destiny" like there's no other way that things could possibly unfold and that this is what's "meant to be". I'd be confident enough to go and tell others that "ya, that's what's gonna happen to me in ____ amount of time". I'd be confident enough to take every step that I need to take in such a way that I don't treat them as hurdles in my path to success but rather as just steps (like how one most boil water and open the package of instant noodles before one can cook instant noodles to eat - the act of boiling water and opening the package are just steps, not hurdles).
Other times, I just want to sleep through all of it and refuse to acknowledge the fact that I must do what I must. I'd be convinced that there's no way I can do it but maybe luck can bring me through. I'd regret ever telling people that I'm trying to achieve this because I'll be so afraid of having eventually to admit that I've failed in front of these people. Or having to face myself for my failures.
Well, at least things worked out for Buble.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
A Time to Do My Best
On my graduation day back in May, I've decided that if God ever gave me a second chance and let me go back to school next year or what not, I'll give it my 100%. I will no longer procrastinate. I will no longer trust in luck or my ability to bullshit. I will no longer assume that everything will turn out fine in the end. I will work hard and not take things for granted. I will give it my all because I want to be able to say that I am proud of what I've accomplished and that I have ran a good race.
But, as I research through potential law schools, I think I've come to the realization that God wants me to adopt this attitude now because without this attitude and such work habits, I might not be able to go back to school next year =(
But, as I research through potential law schools, I think I've come to the realization that God wants me to adopt this attitude now because without this attitude and such work habits, I might not be able to go back to school next year =(
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Death, Motivation
Recently, I've been thinking that a key factor of maturity (or at least, adulthood), is one's ability to handle death. My encounters with death are few and sparse - my grandfather when I was in grade 9 (by then I wasn't that close to him so I wasn't that upset but I actually felt bad because I was suppose to feel sad) and Dude (last year and I was really upset for a week). I think I still don't know what death really is or is like.
On a more positive thought, I've been extremely motivated ever since I came back from my month long vacation. So far, I've worked out 2 days out of 3 and studied 3 days out of 3. Instead of playing Sims, I've begun reading books that I've bought but never gotten around to reading. I've also cleaned my room and sent out 3 job applications.
Now if only someone would reply my job applications...
On a more positive thought, I've been extremely motivated ever since I came back from my month long vacation. So far, I've worked out 2 days out of 3 and studied 3 days out of 3. Instead of playing Sims, I've begun reading books that I've bought but never gotten around to reading. I've also cleaned my room and sent out 3 job applications.
Now if only someone would reply my job applications...
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
public speaking
today i was helping my new grade 5 tutor student prepare her public speaking speech for next Monday when I was suddenly reminded of how I had to write speeches too when I was in elementary school.
I remembered that in grade four, my topic was "overpopulation" (how overpopulation is bad for the Earth and why that is so). In grade five, my topic was "the goods and bads of public speaking". I remembered that my speech won first place in my class and hence I was able to go to the school-wide public speaking competition and compete in front of the whole school with other classes. For some reason, there were two winners - myself and this other kid called Nathan MacDonald. The winner of the school competition was supposed to go to the district-wide competition but unfortunately, only one winner was allowed to go. The principal decided to toss a coin and Nathan ended up being able to go. I remember feeling really disappointed but I tried to be really tough and not cry. I didn't cry until I saw my dad after school. Now that I think about it, I shouldn't have allowed the principal to make a decision like that by tossing a coin. Additionally, Nathan was also the school-wide champion in grade 4 hence he went to the districts before whereas I've never been to them.
In the end, I was allowed to go watch the districts. Nathan lost. And maybe because his mom felt sorry for me, he gave me a pot of flowers at the end of the school year.
In grade 8, I wrote another speech on "Snoring". I managed to win in class but didn't win against other classes in my school.
Most people find public speaking scary, but I think I thrive on it.
I remembered that in grade four, my topic was "overpopulation" (how overpopulation is bad for the Earth and why that is so). In grade five, my topic was "the goods and bads of public speaking". I remembered that my speech won first place in my class and hence I was able to go to the school-wide public speaking competition and compete in front of the whole school with other classes. For some reason, there were two winners - myself and this other kid called Nathan MacDonald. The winner of the school competition was supposed to go to the district-wide competition but unfortunately, only one winner was allowed to go. The principal decided to toss a coin and Nathan ended up being able to go. I remember feeling really disappointed but I tried to be really tough and not cry. I didn't cry until I saw my dad after school. Now that I think about it, I shouldn't have allowed the principal to make a decision like that by tossing a coin. Additionally, Nathan was also the school-wide champion in grade 4 hence he went to the districts before whereas I've never been to them.
In the end, I was allowed to go watch the districts. Nathan lost. And maybe because his mom felt sorry for me, he gave me a pot of flowers at the end of the school year.
In grade 8, I wrote another speech on "Snoring". I managed to win in class but didn't win against other classes in my school.
Most people find public speaking scary, but I think I thrive on it.
Friday, April 16, 2010
A (temporary) Farewell
I've been in school since the age of 2 and today, after 19 years, I will no longer be going to school anymore (except for my two finals and to hand in my paper next week but that's not important).
I will no longer get to experience the excitement of first days back to school in September, or be completely blown away by something the prof/teacher just said in lecture (yes, sometimes those do happen). I will no longer have a legitimate excuse to stay up on a computer all night in the name of 'finishing a paper' or bring home a dozen library books in my backpack (and, if necessary, whatever plastic bag I can find). I won't ever get a piece of assignment or paper back and think: wow I totally lucked out with this one or be extremely upset because I thought I did better. And so much more.
The really peculiar thing is, I know I've grown in the last 19 years (of course) but now that I'm supposed to be all prepped up and ready to face the real world, I don't feel that ready at all.
Example: I went into UBC almost 4 years ago armed with an IB diploma (I thought that meant I was a genius), feeling oh-so-confident, ready to take on anything and anyone. I thought i was going to graduate with a BComm (because that was just the most useful thing to graduate with) and basically be set for the next 40 years of my life. I honestly thought that University was probably the last hurdle of my life and once it's done and I have that piece of paper with my name printed on it, employers will come flying at me and I will miraculously end up with a job that pays well, is stressless and live like I'll never have to work hard again.
4 years later, I am graduating with a BA in International Relations (no obvious job connection there), feeling like I spent the past 4 years scratching the surface of something that is oh, so much more vast than I can possibly imagine and realizing that University isn't the last hurdle of my life at all. There are no jobs flying at me and in fact, for (arguably) the first time in my life, I have no idea what's going to happen to me in half a year's time (would've been next month if it wasn't for my vacation and LSAT).
But yes, I did gain something and just might have managed to learn something about myself too.
I've learned in the past 4 years, that I am not really that practical afterall. If I were, I would've stayed with a BComm. I've also learned that I'm seriously really interested in China. I knew I liked learning about China in high school but once here, I realized that I don't ever want to stop learning about this place or experiencing it in various ways. I'm also not as confident in my ability as I thought I was and that I do like to crowd myself with doubts. I've learned that there is nothing that can be gained or earned in this world that can guarantee a safe, happy, stressless future (no, not even a BComm my friends). I've learned that I am a person driven by my interests and not by a need to do well in everything (i.e. I do well in courses that I am really interested in but if I am in a course I detest, I cannot convince myself to put my mind into it). I've also learned that there is no way you can finish learning. More recently, I've learned that, if given a choice, I'd much rather spend my life learning and staying in school.
So long, my formal education. Till we meet again. I hope this isn't the end of our bitter-sweet relationship.
I will no longer get to experience the excitement of first days back to school in September, or be completely blown away by something the prof/teacher just said in lecture (yes, sometimes those do happen). I will no longer have a legitimate excuse to stay up on a computer all night in the name of 'finishing a paper' or bring home a dozen library books in my backpack (and, if necessary, whatever plastic bag I can find). I won't ever get a piece of assignment or paper back and think: wow I totally lucked out with this one or be extremely upset because I thought I did better. And so much more.
The really peculiar thing is, I know I've grown in the last 19 years (of course) but now that I'm supposed to be all prepped up and ready to face the real world, I don't feel that ready at all.
Example: I went into UBC almost 4 years ago armed with an IB diploma (I thought that meant I was a genius), feeling oh-so-confident, ready to take on anything and anyone. I thought i was going to graduate with a BComm (because that was just the most useful thing to graduate with) and basically be set for the next 40 years of my life. I honestly thought that University was probably the last hurdle of my life and once it's done and I have that piece of paper with my name printed on it, employers will come flying at me and I will miraculously end up with a job that pays well, is stressless and live like I'll never have to work hard again.
4 years later, I am graduating with a BA in International Relations (no obvious job connection there), feeling like I spent the past 4 years scratching the surface of something that is oh, so much more vast than I can possibly imagine and realizing that University isn't the last hurdle of my life at all. There are no jobs flying at me and in fact, for (arguably) the first time in my life, I have no idea what's going to happen to me in half a year's time (would've been next month if it wasn't for my vacation and LSAT).
But yes, I did gain something and just might have managed to learn something about myself too.
I've learned in the past 4 years, that I am not really that practical afterall. If I were, I would've stayed with a BComm. I've also learned that I'm seriously really interested in China. I knew I liked learning about China in high school but once here, I realized that I don't ever want to stop learning about this place or experiencing it in various ways. I'm also not as confident in my ability as I thought I was and that I do like to crowd myself with doubts. I've learned that there is nothing that can be gained or earned in this world that can guarantee a safe, happy, stressless future (no, not even a BComm my friends). I've learned that I am a person driven by my interests and not by a need to do well in everything (i.e. I do well in courses that I am really interested in but if I am in a course I detest, I cannot convince myself to put my mind into it). I've also learned that there is no way you can finish learning. More recently, I've learned that, if given a choice, I'd much rather spend my life learning and staying in school.
So long, my formal education. Till we meet again. I hope this isn't the end of our bitter-sweet relationship.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
what's going on?
For the past few days, I feel as if I'm being hounded/annoyed by something but I'm not sure what it might be. It seems like I've either forgotten to do something that is quite urgent/important or that there is a approaching deadline that I've yet to deal with. I can think of a feel reasons why I might be feeling anxious...
- I was supposed to have a paper due Thursday but the prof already postponed that...
- I have a paper proposal due also on Thursday but I've finished that already
- I have a performance on Friday night but I'm quite ready I think. And usually these things don't start to stress me out until around an hour before I actually have to get on stage
- I have to lead worship this week. And there's a new worship team member. Actually this one might be one of the reasons.
- I've yet to catch up last week and this week's course readings. This one is probably it too.
- I haven't translated an article that I was supposed to have translated by last Friday. Yup this one too.
- I haven't been to one of my course lectures for far too long (although it is rather useless). This one's definitely one.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
CBK
For the past few days, I've been busily working on my Unabomber essay, waking up extra early and all that, only to find out today that the professor has postponed the paper for two weeks. I'm relieved but at the same time somewhat ticked off because I've been working so hard on it and have been looking forward to handing it in on Thursday.
I wish I can say that I will effectively use these two weeks to improve and polish it better but I honestly doubt that will happen. I really wished that I was someone who really puts it more effort and drives for perfection, instead of someone who just put the minimum amount of effort in and just aims to get the work finish. I have to say that my 'minimum amount of effort' probably gets me further than most people's 'minimum amount of effort' but I just know that if i really tried, i can really do that much better and would've probably reached most of my goals by now (instead of just forgetting about them or changing my mind about them). I don't know why I have such a hard time motivating myself to really get off my ass and really do really well in something instead of being satisfactory in everything. And whenever I do actually manage to get off my ass (oh, a once in a blue moon kinda thing), I just sit back down and lose drive just as quickly.
I'm not just talking about academics or school but also in my relationship with God, my relationship with people, my fitness plan, my savings, my relationship with my family, my worship leading, my fellowship vice-chairperson being, my singing, my devotional life, my character building. Everything.
And this is the worse part, the part that I most loath in myself: my sitting here whining about this and then tomorrow I will wake up and everything will still be the same. I will still pick songs for Sunday's worship without spending enough time praying. I will still go to fellowship and just count the offering, take attendance and that's it for my vice-chairman tasks. I will still talk back to my mom or ignore my dad. I will still aim to finish a 15-page paper instead of aiming to finish a perfect 15-page paper. I will still not read the Bible for days at end. I will still doubt things that people say and not take them for face-value. I will still spend more money than I really should. I will still sleep in instead of going to the gym. I will still not trust the people that I really should trust by now.
I need to be a CBK: a 'cycle-breaking Kathy'.
But today, yes at least today, I felt truly disgusted with myself and was honest about it. So sue me.
I wish I can say that I will effectively use these two weeks to improve and polish it better but I honestly doubt that will happen. I really wished that I was someone who really puts it more effort and drives for perfection, instead of someone who just put the minimum amount of effort in and just aims to get the work finish. I have to say that my 'minimum amount of effort' probably gets me further than most people's 'minimum amount of effort' but I just know that if i really tried, i can really do that much better and would've probably reached most of my goals by now (instead of just forgetting about them or changing my mind about them). I don't know why I have such a hard time motivating myself to really get off my ass and really do really well in something instead of being satisfactory in everything. And whenever I do actually manage to get off my ass (oh, a once in a blue moon kinda thing), I just sit back down and lose drive just as quickly.
I'm not just talking about academics or school but also in my relationship with God, my relationship with people, my fitness plan, my savings, my relationship with my family, my worship leading, my fellowship vice-chairperson being, my singing, my devotional life, my character building. Everything.
And this is the worse part, the part that I most loath in myself: my sitting here whining about this and then tomorrow I will wake up and everything will still be the same. I will still pick songs for Sunday's worship without spending enough time praying. I will still go to fellowship and just count the offering, take attendance and that's it for my vice-chairman tasks. I will still talk back to my mom or ignore my dad. I will still aim to finish a 15-page paper instead of aiming to finish a perfect 15-page paper. I will still not read the Bible for days at end. I will still doubt things that people say and not take them for face-value. I will still spend more money than I really should. I will still sleep in instead of going to the gym. I will still not trust the people that I really should trust by now.
I need to be a CBK: a 'cycle-breaking Kathy'.
But today, yes at least today, I felt truly disgusted with myself and was honest about it. So sue me.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
21嵗
i used to get really excited about my birthday: dinners, gifts, 利是, friends, cakes. But to be honest, in recent years (perhaps the past 2 or 3 years?) i would get really upset about my birthday. Of course, I still enjoy the presents and the company, it's just that when i really sit down and think about it, I am not all too excited.
Birthdays sometime seem to serve as a reminder to me of the fact that I'm 'aging': that time is slowly slipping away and that I haven't done a lot of things that I think are worthwhile, that I have wasted a lot of time committed to things that don't really mean a lot in the long run, and that I am not where I want to be. Maybe I am paranoid, but time is so important to me. After all, this is suppose to be the prime, the time where everything happens and new experiences are everywhere and yet, in the past few birthdays, i have always felt that i've missed out on some things that are meant to be mine by now and all the while doing a whole bunch of things on the side that probably won't mean much ten years down the road. I've felt mediocre at best and I hated that word.
But this year, I feel differently. Maybe because in the past year (while I was 20 years old), I have finally done some things that I'm really pleased with and proud of myself for accomplishing: going to China, living independently for 6 months, traveling solo, meeting new people that are from different cultures, working a 9-5 job at a law firm (albeit only an internship but still, i finally got to fulfill my childhood fantasy of working at 中環), really finding out who I am. Of course, I am not completely satisfied yet (I have yet to join a full-scale musical production) but I know I am getting there somehow.
And this birthday, this 21st year of my life, I am challenging myself to make this year even better than my 20th. I know that as May rolls around and I graduate, nothing will look like what it had looked for the past four years or even for the past 17 years that I've been in school. Next year, as I sit here and write my blog to celebrate my 22nd birthday, I would not be anticipating my final grades like I am now. Maybe I will be working a 9-5 job. Maybe I will be filling out grad school applications. Maybe I will not be in Vancouver. Maybe I will be unemployed. Who knows. But if anything, this 20th year of my life has taught me that I should not be afraid of the unexpected, that i should be ready to make life more exciting.
Next year has to be as rewarding as this. Cheers to being 21.
Birthdays sometime seem to serve as a reminder to me of the fact that I'm 'aging': that time is slowly slipping away and that I haven't done a lot of things that I think are worthwhile, that I have wasted a lot of time committed to things that don't really mean a lot in the long run, and that I am not where I want to be. Maybe I am paranoid, but time is so important to me. After all, this is suppose to be the prime, the time where everything happens and new experiences are everywhere and yet, in the past few birthdays, i have always felt that i've missed out on some things that are meant to be mine by now and all the while doing a whole bunch of things on the side that probably won't mean much ten years down the road. I've felt mediocre at best and I hated that word.
But this year, I feel differently. Maybe because in the past year (while I was 20 years old), I have finally done some things that I'm really pleased with and proud of myself for accomplishing: going to China, living independently for 6 months, traveling solo, meeting new people that are from different cultures, working a 9-5 job at a law firm (albeit only an internship but still, i finally got to fulfill my childhood fantasy of working at 中環), really finding out who I am. Of course, I am not completely satisfied yet (I have yet to join a full-scale musical production) but I know I am getting there somehow.
And this birthday, this 21st year of my life, I am challenging myself to make this year even better than my 20th. I know that as May rolls around and I graduate, nothing will look like what it had looked for the past four years or even for the past 17 years that I've been in school. Next year, as I sit here and write my blog to celebrate my 22nd birthday, I would not be anticipating my final grades like I am now. Maybe I will be working a 9-5 job. Maybe I will be filling out grad school applications. Maybe I will not be in Vancouver. Maybe I will be unemployed. Who knows. But if anything, this 20th year of my life has taught me that I should not be afraid of the unexpected, that i should be ready to make life more exciting.
Next year has to be as rewarding as this. Cheers to being 21.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Much needed: slashings on a lazy student
I don't know what's gone into me. Lately, I've been feeling a lack of motivation, so much that I don't even care how good my work is or whether I will get good marks as long as I get it done. Why is this happening now? I'm in my 4th year: arguably the most important year of my undergrad career, and possibly the deciding factor for my future path. Why am i slacking off? This is almost unheard of for Kathy Wong (emphasis: almost). Sure, I've slacked before but for one month straight? What's going on?!?!? At the rate I'm going, I'd be lucky to not get a significant drop in my gpa, nevermind applying for graduate school.
Does anyone know how to whip a lazy student back into shape?
Does anyone know how to whip a lazy student back into shape?
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
嫉妒
I really should do a better job of blogging more frequently. It's not that I don't enjoy writing here it's just that upon returning to Vancouver i find that I have a lot more things to do but none of them significant enough to warrant a few sentences here.
Chicago, or the little that I did manage to see of Chicago because we were always in the church we were serving at in Chinatown, seems like a place that I would like to go back again to explore and get to know. Museums, art galleries, aquariums, Lake Michigan, American-Italian food...hmmm! Hopefully somewhere in the future I can go back to Chicago and really see what this Windy City is like.
As the beginning of my last year at UBC slowly comes upon me, I continue to frantically stuff commitments and events into my already filled schedule - jobs, volunteering, church committees, GM events, goals.... I do enjoy doing this things, but already more than once I have been warned to "watch my time" (and it's not only my parents saying this). I have a sneaky feeling that this is my fear of losing time, opportunities and never finding my "true calling" creeping up on me again. Especially this coming year being the last of my university years and life as I've known it for the past 3 years and, really loosely speaking, ever since I was five, everything beyond April 2010 is as hazy as a bowl of miso soup (what a dumb analogy but its the best I can think up of right now).
On another note, as I twist and bend my schedule in an attempt to try new things out and find my true calling, some of the most important people in my live are heading out to other places in the world for long periods of time in search of their own new experiences and callings. Good luck and, when you've found your goal(s) in life, enlighten me too, please.
A bit of Chicago...
Chicago, or the little that I did manage to see of Chicago because we were always in the church we were serving at in Chinatown, seems like a place that I would like to go back again to explore and get to know. Museums, art galleries, aquariums, Lake Michigan, American-Italian food...hmmm! Hopefully somewhere in the future I can go back to Chicago and really see what this Windy City is like.
As the beginning of my last year at UBC slowly comes upon me, I continue to frantically stuff commitments and events into my already filled schedule - jobs, volunteering, church committees, GM events, goals.... I do enjoy doing this things, but already more than once I have been warned to "watch my time" (and it's not only my parents saying this). I have a sneaky feeling that this is my fear of losing time, opportunities and never finding my "true calling" creeping up on me again. Especially this coming year being the last of my university years and life as I've known it for the past 3 years and, really loosely speaking, ever since I was five, everything beyond April 2010 is as hazy as a bowl of miso soup (what a dumb analogy but its the best I can think up of right now).
On another note, as I twist and bend my schedule in an attempt to try new things out and find my true calling, some of the most important people in my live are heading out to other places in the world for long periods of time in search of their own new experiences and callings. Good luck and, when you've found your goal(s) in life, enlighten me too, please.
A bit of Chicago...
Monday, August 10, 2009
tutor kids, accounting, careers and such
now that the biggest thing of 2009 for me is officially over (i.e. my exchange), I start worrying about 2010 - my grad year and I'm not giving myself an easy time either as I find that recently a lot of the conversations I have with friends revolve around "jobs!", "co-op!", "careers!", "grad school!" or "graduation!" (and the occasional "CA!" or "CGA!" or even "CPA!" from my accounting friends). I am so uncertain about my future that I've started giving the answer of "being unemployed" when people ask me my plans after graduation.
But I think after having worked in Hong Kong for a month in July, I realized that it's not too hard to find a good paying job - at least not as hard as finding a job that one loves (or maybe I'm really naive). After having worked in a law firm and observing what real, non-TVB lawyers do, I realize that maybe this really isn't the job for me. This really starts worrying me because if a hefty paycheck is my sole greatest requirement for a dream job, then all I really need to do is work really hard and get myself some sort of license: lawyer, accountant, real estate agent, you name it. But that's not all I want (yes i am greedy). I want a good paying job but also a job where i can wake up everyday and go "wow I can't wait to start working today". I even dare say I prefer the latter over the former if I must choose. If my job is a 9-5 thing, that's already 8 hours - a third of my life dedicated to this cause. It better be something worthwhile.
So I suppose this is my God given theme of the summer as things that have been going on recently seem to be somehow related to this issue too. Having, for the very first time, an opportunity to actually pick and choose kids that I want to tutor for the coming school year, I figure it's not just about the money I can make anymore. More so, I want to tutor kids that I really think I can help and somehow be friends with them beyond the usual English tutor sense. I don't want to take in as many tutor kids as I want to anymore.
And then there's Brian Liu who's heading to Ontario to work with IVCF - someone who graduated and work a job not because it pays well but because it is important to him.
But beyond all this worrying and thinking, I found comfort from a least expected person who told me about his current sufferings working his accounting co-op job. As he told me his grievances and how he isn't really cut out for this kind of a job and it didn't turn out to be what he was expecting, I cannot help but think that less than 3 years ago I was also looking forward to an accounting degree until I almost got kicked out of Commerce and ended up doing IR which I am still doing today and really enjoying.
So why should I worry? God has always watched out for me.
Currently listening: Down to Earth - Peter Gabriel, from Wall-E
Do you feel you've been tricked - by the future you've picked? Well come on down.
But I think after having worked in Hong Kong for a month in July, I realized that it's not too hard to find a good paying job - at least not as hard as finding a job that one loves (or maybe I'm really naive). After having worked in a law firm and observing what real, non-TVB lawyers do, I realize that maybe this really isn't the job for me. This really starts worrying me because if a hefty paycheck is my sole greatest requirement for a dream job, then all I really need to do is work really hard and get myself some sort of license: lawyer, accountant, real estate agent, you name it. But that's not all I want (yes i am greedy). I want a good paying job but also a job where i can wake up everyday and go "wow I can't wait to start working today". I even dare say I prefer the latter over the former if I must choose. If my job is a 9-5 thing, that's already 8 hours - a third of my life dedicated to this cause. It better be something worthwhile.
So I suppose this is my God given theme of the summer as things that have been going on recently seem to be somehow related to this issue too. Having, for the very first time, an opportunity to actually pick and choose kids that I want to tutor for the coming school year, I figure it's not just about the money I can make anymore. More so, I want to tutor kids that I really think I can help and somehow be friends with them beyond the usual English tutor sense. I don't want to take in as many tutor kids as I want to anymore.
And then there's Brian Liu who's heading to Ontario to work with IVCF - someone who graduated and work a job not because it pays well but because it is important to him.
But beyond all this worrying and thinking, I found comfort from a least expected person who told me about his current sufferings working his accounting co-op job. As he told me his grievances and how he isn't really cut out for this kind of a job and it didn't turn out to be what he was expecting, I cannot help but think that less than 3 years ago I was also looking forward to an accounting degree until I almost got kicked out of Commerce and ended up doing IR which I am still doing today and really enjoying.
So why should I worry? God has always watched out for me.
Currently listening: Down to Earth - Peter Gabriel, from Wall-E
Do you feel you've been tricked - by the future you've picked? Well come on down.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Type A Kathy rants
今天我差不多發脾氣.
差不多發脾氣事件#1: For one of my courses, we have to do a group literature review. That is, we have write a mass essay (2000 words/person) in groups of five. All the other girls in my group are local students and today we got together to discuss our strategy in tackling this mass project. The problem is, we all have so many different views of how this should be done that we spent a lot of time just arguing how the work should be divided. On top of that their language of preference is Mandarin and mine, obviously, is English. When we "debate" our methods, we have to switch between two languages which basically means that we don't get 100% of what the other person just said. As a result, they would discuss amongst themselves in Mandarin and find someone to translate to me in English and I really didn't like that because 1. I feel that I'm not participating fully, 2. they significantly condense the English translation in order to save time, 3. it's frustrating to be able to only comprehend a few phrases in a long sentence and 4. when I explain my ideas to them in English, I feel that they don't understand what I'm trying to say. 弄到我整個人都覺得很煩躁 and completely not in the mood to be a team player.
差不多發脾氣事件#2: I WANT TO GO TRAVELING. 很難得下禮拜不用上課, 本來打算去外走走. As mentioned previously, one of the key reasons for coming to China is to go traveling and see the places that I've always hear of or read about but never been to. I see next week as the PERFECT opportunity to go traveling because 1. no classes at all, 2. I still have money, 3. I have nothing to do, 4. I didn't come all the way to China to hang out in Ningbo and 5. the weather is gorgeous. I thought about staying in Shanghai for one more day after Cheer's concert on Saturday night but the friend that I'm going with has to come back to Ningbo on Sunday. I thought about going to somewhere a bit further away like Suzhou since I have 3 more days off after coming back for Shanghai (better yet, I can just leave from Shanghai). But my other friend who said she'd go vacationing with me says shes too busy to afford a 3-4 day vacation and wants to restrict the trip to a 1 day thing to Shaoxing. It took a lot of persuasion on my part before she even agreed to consider a 2-day-1-night thing to Shaoxing. But honestly, I think it's a waste of perfectly fine time to go traveling to some further places since Shaoxing can easily be done on a weekend. She keeps telling me that I will have plenty of opportunities in April/May to go to other places for weekends but I just feel that we'll keep getting more and more busy. Another thing that's bugging me is that I know she's super busy and probably doesn't really want to go to these places with me because she's probably been to all of them and honestly I don't want to force her to go anywhere if she doesn't want to go. But if she doesn't go, it means that I might have to consider going alone but I can't imagine how that will be like. Or if my mom would ever let me do that.
Argh. Why can't everything be simple, straightforward, bam-bam-bam, figure-it-out-now?
Relax Kathy, at least you have Cheer's concert to look forward to.
Currently listening: 靈感 - 陳綺貞
差不多發脾氣事件#1: For one of my courses, we have to do a group literature review. That is, we have write a mass essay (2000 words/person) in groups of five. All the other girls in my group are local students and today we got together to discuss our strategy in tackling this mass project. The problem is, we all have so many different views of how this should be done that we spent a lot of time just arguing how the work should be divided. On top of that their language of preference is Mandarin and mine, obviously, is English. When we "debate" our methods, we have to switch between two languages which basically means that we don't get 100% of what the other person just said. As a result, they would discuss amongst themselves in Mandarin and find someone to translate to me in English and I really didn't like that because 1. I feel that I'm not participating fully, 2. they significantly condense the English translation in order to save time, 3. it's frustrating to be able to only comprehend a few phrases in a long sentence and 4. when I explain my ideas to them in English, I feel that they don't understand what I'm trying to say. 弄到我整個人都覺得很煩躁 and completely not in the mood to be a team player.
差不多發脾氣事件#2: I WANT TO GO TRAVELING. 很難得下禮拜不用上課, 本來打算去外走走. As mentioned previously, one of the key reasons for coming to China is to go traveling and see the places that I've always hear of or read about but never been to. I see next week as the PERFECT opportunity to go traveling because 1. no classes at all, 2. I still have money, 3. I have nothing to do, 4. I didn't come all the way to China to hang out in Ningbo and 5. the weather is gorgeous. I thought about staying in Shanghai for one more day after Cheer's concert on Saturday night but the friend that I'm going with has to come back to Ningbo on Sunday. I thought about going to somewhere a bit further away like Suzhou since I have 3 more days off after coming back for Shanghai (better yet, I can just leave from Shanghai). But my other friend who said she'd go vacationing with me says shes too busy to afford a 3-4 day vacation and wants to restrict the trip to a 1 day thing to Shaoxing. It took a lot of persuasion on my part before she even agreed to consider a 2-day-1-night thing to Shaoxing. But honestly, I think it's a waste of perfectly fine time to go traveling to some further places since Shaoxing can easily be done on a weekend. She keeps telling me that I will have plenty of opportunities in April/May to go to other places for weekends but I just feel that we'll keep getting more and more busy. Another thing that's bugging me is that I know she's super busy and probably doesn't really want to go to these places with me because she's probably been to all of them and honestly I don't want to force her to go anywhere if she doesn't want to go. But if she doesn't go, it means that I might have to consider going alone but I can't imagine how that will be like. Or if my mom would ever let me do that.
Argh. Why can't everything be simple, straightforward, bam-bam-bam, figure-it-out-now?
Relax Kathy, at least you have Cheer's concert to look forward to.
Currently listening: 靈感 - 陳綺貞
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