Heroes

There are some benefits to working at Fairchild. 

For example, I get 15% off at St. Germaine Bakery (30% for mooncakes). If I don't fancy a St. Germaine mooncake, because you know, life (and mid-autumn festival) is too short to eat stunted traditional mooncakes and non-inspiring icey mooncakes, I also get 30% off for De Fresh mooncakes and Pine House mooncakes.

I also get 20% off (30% if I play my cards right) at Chic Label - my new favourite boutique. 

I work next to a food court that serves 雞蛋仔

Anyways, you get the idea.

I was going to say, that one of my favourite benefits of working at Fairchild is that I get to do the Arts and Culture Segment. Occasionally I get horrific stories that my boss makes me cover (honestly, does anyone care that the 東莞同鄉會 is staging a talent show to showcase its children's choir, painted on rosy cheeks and all?), it's usually stuff that I love and am interested in seeing. Last month, I got to visit the UBC Anthropology museum and spent 2 hours looking at Buddhist art. And if I really like the stuff, I actually get to ask for free tickets.

So tonight's one of those nights where 鄭少 and I took advantage of this benefit and saw Heroes, an engaging play for "three older gents" (as they call themselves). More than a century's worth of acting expertise congregating on a stage, held together by an engaging and hilarious story is a great way of spending the evening. And although the story was about three WWI veterans in the 1950s stuck in a soldier's home, I can't help but resonate with some of the things that they were saying and identify with the feeling of being stuck.

No one likes to be stuck. But if Henri could, in the end, see the poplar trees, I'm sure I could some day too.

Now listening: Porcelain - at17 (Yes, my music selection is the same after all these years). 

my birthday wish

I wish that all my fears would be gone:

my fear of failing,
my fear of underachieving,
my fear of passivity,
my fear of mediocrity,
my fear that my fears will come true,
my fear of not getting into law school,
my fear of wasting time,
my fear of wasting my youth,
my fear of fear itself,
my fear of living a passionless life,
my fear of a life without purpose,
my fear of loneliness,
my fear of not getting a great career,
my fear of not going anywhere,
my fear of being stuck,
my fear of being content,
my fear of boredom,
my fear of falling into a routine,
my fear of fear.

Pale Blue Dot

I found this on (where else?) Wikipedia today with the accompanying description:

"Pale Blue Dot" is the name given to this 1990 photo of Earth taken from Voyager 1 when its vantage point reached the edge of the Solar System, a distance of roughly 3.7 billion miles (6 billion kilometres). Earth can be seen as a blueish-white speck approximately halfway down the brown band to the right. The light band over Earth is an artifact of sunlight scattering in the camera's lens, resulting from the small angle between Earth and the Sun. Carl Sagan came up with the idea of turning the spacecraft around to take a composite image of the Solar System. Six years later, he reflected, "All of human history has happened on that tiny pixel, which is our only home."

So when you think about this - the fact that "all of human history has happened on that tiny pixel, which is our only home", this insignificant pixel in the whole of things - why do we still bother with wars and conflicts? I mean, natural disasters cause human suffering and death, ok, we can't avoid those, but the results of wars are man-made suffering and death of our fellow human beings.

Lest we forget.

IB Entrance Essay

When I wrote my IB entrance test in grade 8, they made us write an essay on a given quote. I've always remembered the general gist of the quote but today, as I was searching up quotes on ambition which eventually led to a search on Mark Twain quotes, I came across it again:

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear. - Mark Twain

Micah 6:6-8

How can I stand up before God and show proper respect to the high God?
Should I bring an armload of offerings topped off with the yearling calves?
Would God be impressed with thousands of rams, with buckets and barrels of olive oil?
Would He be moved if I sacrificed my firstborn child, my precious baby, to cancel my sin?

But He's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple:
Do what is fair and just to your neighbour,
be compassionate and loyal in your love,
And don't take yourself too seriously -
take God seriously.

the frog inside that teeny tiny well finally dares to take a glimpse of the outside world through a tiny crack

The audition, in my opinion, did not go too well (the orange remedy last night didn't totally recover my voice). My voice was totally not in condition at all and, honestly, even if it were, I was no where near the caliber that he was expecting. And maybe it was my nerves, I couldn't even sing a perfect-fifth during sight reading...even after 3 tries!

Anyways, it was a good experience (a good glimpse at what other people out there do) and how i am still a frog in a well.

On a more positive note, 米奇老鼠 bought me EASON'S DUO concert CD/DVD from HK: audio goodness is drifting around my room right now.

Cooked Whole Orange

My voice is not getting any better and i need it back at least 80% before I can go for my audition tomorrow night, so I have decided to try out my 契媽's remedy: cooked whole orange.

1. Boil an entire orange (peel and all) for 10 minutes.
2. Pour the water out, cut the orange in half.
3. Bake in 350F for 15 minutes
4. Eat all of it.

Sounds fun eh? It's baking right now. I'll see how it goes...

update: 苦到阿媽都唔認得

Lessons from Michael Buble

Last night, after seeing Michael Buble at GM Place (aka Rogers Arena now), I wiki-ed him when I got home. According to Wikipedia, when Buble was a teenager, he'd sleep on his Bible and pray really hard that he could become a singer.

In my memory, there was a handful of times in my life so far where I've felt like I really want something and that I cannot imagine my life if I were to fail to get or achieve it. It's as if day in day out my thoughts would just go back to this one thing that I'm trying to achieve and that every other priority, responsibility or possibility just pales compared to this one big glowing "destiny" that I'm striving to fulfill.

Sometimes, I'd be pushing full-force ahead: I would be really confident that I can achieve this "Manifest Destiny" like there's no other way that things could possibly unfold and that this is what's "meant to be". I'd be confident enough to go and tell others that "ya, that's what's gonna happen to me in ____ amount of time". I'd be confident enough to take every step that I need to take in such a way that I don't treat them as hurdles in my path to success but rather as just steps (like how one most boil water and open the package of instant noodles before one can cook instant noodles to eat - the act of boiling water and opening the package are just steps, not hurdles).

Other times, I just want to sleep through all of it and refuse to acknowledge the fact that I must do what I must. I'd be convinced that there's no way I can do it but maybe luck can bring me through. I'd regret ever telling people that I'm trying to achieve this because I'll be so afraid of having eventually to admit that I've failed in front of these people. Or having to face myself for my failures.

Well, at least things worked out for Buble.

A Time to Do My Best

On my graduation day back in May, I've decided that if God ever gave me a second chance and let me go back to school next year or what not, I'll give it my 100%. I will no longer procrastinate. I will no longer trust in luck or my ability to bullshit. I will no longer assume that everything will turn out fine in the end. I will work hard and not take things for granted. I will give it my all because I want to be able to say that I am proud of what I've accomplished and that I have ran a good race.

But, as I research through potential law schools, I think I've come to the realization that God wants me to adopt this attitude now because without this attitude and such work habits, I might not be able to go back to school next year =(

Death, Motivation

Recently, I've been thinking that a key factor of maturity (or at least, adulthood), is one's ability to handle death. My encounters with death are few and sparse - my grandfather when I was in grade 9 (by then I wasn't that close to him so I wasn't that upset but I actually felt bad because I was suppose to feel sad) and Dude (last year and I was really upset for a week). I think I still don't know what death really is or is like.

On a more positive thought, I've been extremely motivated ever since I came back from my month long vacation. So far, I've worked out 2 days out of 3 and studied 3 days out of 3. Instead of playing Sims, I've begun reading books that I've bought but never gotten around to reading. I've also cleaned my room and sent out 3 job applications.

Now if only someone would reply my job applications...

Changing

Today, I told a friend that it is okay for people to change if:

1. they realize that they are changing
2. they can correctly distinguish whether this is a good or a bad change
and
3. they are willing/able to make adjustments if they are unhappy with the change.

Now that I am thinking about this, I do give fairly ambiguous and random advice eh? Just another bunch of fluff and verbal diarrhea (that word again!) from the randomness and confusion that is my brain. But hey, maybe ambiguous and random advice is the best advice - the person who hears this advice can just interpret and do as they will.

Okay, I need sleep.

PMPG 15th Anniversary

For most people, there are identities that we don't realize until it suddenly hits you.

Today, I realized that I've basically grown up with PMPGMBC. I've been with this church since it first started in 1995 (although I honestly can't remember). I've "experienced" leadership of all the previous lead pastors (although I actually didn't know them personally nor was I on talking terms with them since I was basically a kid until the latter half of Rev. Cheung's time here). I recognize the faces of all the people that have once served in this church. I remember certain events that a lot of people in our church today probably don't know about. I remember being in Pioneer Clubs and Una 姐姐. I remember when Cindy Luu was a Sunday School Teacher, and not yet a missionary. I remember when children's worship (from grade 1-6) was in room in the church basement. I remember the 7th Anniversary celebration at Radisson (now a casino hotel) and how it was the first time we met Rollie. I remember when the room with two doors in the church basement were two separate rooms. I remember that the sanctuary used to have a huge massive wooden cross in the middle of the front wall and how I thought that was so cool.

So today, as the church celebrated its 15th anniversary (and I can finally relax after all the planning and organizing), I finally realized that I am a PG, just as much as I am a Chinese, or a Wong, or a girl, or a UBC graduate, or a black belt. And PG, for the past 15 years of my life, has been my family. And all 500+ people who come to church on Sunday with me, are my family members, not in the sense where the words "brothers and sisters" just seems like a friendlier way to address "fellow Christians", but in the sense that they are my family because I, for the past 15 years, have grown up with them.

learning to say no

Seems to me a lot of people have trouble learning to say "yes". And because they can't say "yes", they let a lot of opportunities and chances pass them by.

But i think i have trouble saying "no" more. when people come and ask me to help with something or to lead something or to be part of _________ committee, i tend to say yes right away.

It is time to learn to say no.

團訓

Every Friday night, Joshua fellowship goes through the usual "ritual" (please allow me to use this word because I don't know what other word to use) of reciting our theme verse:

這 律 法 書 不 可 離 開 你 的 口 ， 總 要 晝 夜 思 想 ， 好 使 你 謹 守 遵 行 這 書 上 所 寫 的 一 切 話 。 如 此 ， 你 的 道 路 就 可 以 亨 通 ， 凡 事 順 利 。
我 豈 沒 有 吩 咐 你 麼 ？ 你 當 剛 強 壯 膽 ！ 不 要 懼 怕 ， 也 不 要 驚 惶 ； 因 為 你 無 論 往 那 裡 去 ， 耶 和 華 ─ 你 的 　 神 必 與 你 同 在 。

And even though I've been reciting this verse once a week for almost 2 years, sometimes I don't give much thought to what I am saying (tends to be the case for a lot of church-related stuff eh? songs, verses, creeds...). Until last night, I was doing my devotions and reading from The Message when I came across it in...ENGLISH!

And don't for a minute let this Book of The Revelation be out of mind. Ponder and meditate on it day and night, making sure you practice everything written in it. Then you'll get where you're going; then you'll succeed. Haven't I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don't be timid; don't get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take.

And having finally finished reading the first five books of the Bible (i've actually never done that...I always get stuck halfway through Exodus), this verse suddenly makes a lot more sense in terms of its context and the amount of "meat" that it has. And having finally digested it instead of just licking the surface of it once a week, I think I finally understand why someone decided to pick this verse to be our theme verse.

A (temporary) Farewell

I've been in school since the age of 2 and today, after 19 years, I will no longer be going to school anymore (except for my two finals and to hand in my paper next week but that's not important).

I will no longer get to experience the excitement of first days back to school in September, or be completely blown away by something the prof/teacher just said in lecture (yes, sometimes those do happen). I will no longer have a legitimate excuse to stay up on a computer all night in the name of 'finishing a paper' or bring home a dozen library books in my backpack (and, if necessary, whatever plastic bag I can find). I won't ever get a piece of assignment or paper back and think: wow I totally lucked out with this one or be extremely upset because I thought I did better. And so much more.

The really peculiar thing is, I know I've grown in the last 19 years (of course) but now that I'm supposed to be all prepped up and ready to face the real world, I don't feel that ready at all.

Example: I went into UBC almost 4 years ago armed with an IB diploma (I thought that meant I was a genius), feeling oh-so-confident, ready to take on anything and anyone. I thought i was going to graduate with a BComm (because that was just the most useful thing to graduate with) and basically be set for the next 40 years of my life. I honestly thought that University was probably the last hurdle of my life and once it's done and I have that piece of paper with my name printed on it, employers will come flying at me and I will miraculously end up with a job that pays well, is stressless and live like I'll never have to work hard again.

4 years later, I am graduating with a BA in International Relations (no obvious job connection there), feeling like I spent the past 4 years scratching the surface of something that is oh, so much more vast than I can possibly imagine and realizing that University isn't the last hurdle of my life at all. There are no jobs flying at me and in fact, for (arguably) the first time in my life, I have no idea what's going to happen to me in half a year's time (would've been next month if it wasn't for my vacation and LSAT).

But yes, I did gain something and just might have managed to learn something about myself too.

I've learned in the past 4 years, that I am not really that practical afterall. If I were, I would've stayed with a BComm. I've also learned that I'm seriously really interested in China. I knew I liked learning about China in high school but once here, I realized that I don't ever want to stop learning about this place or experiencing it in various ways. I'm also not as confident in my ability as I thought I was and that I do like to crowd myself with doubts. I've learned that there is nothing that can be gained or earned in this world that can guarantee a safe, happy, stressless future (no, not even a BComm my friends). I've learned that I am a person driven by my interests and not by a need to do well in everything (i.e. I do well in courses that I am really interested in but if I am in a course I detest, I cannot convince myself to put my mind into it). I've also learned that there is no way you can finish learning. More recently, I've learned that, if given a choice, I'd much rather spend my life learning and staying in school.

So long, my formal education. Till we meet again. I hope this isn't the end of our bitter-sweet relationship.

Keep Calm and Carry On

A few weeks ago I was up at SFU, perusing the bookstore when I found a cool 2011 agenda book (ya they're selling those already!) and the cover was based on this British propaganda poster that was designed during WWII. According to my best friend (aka Wikipedia) the poster was designed in 1939 (the beginning of WWII) as a "last case scenario" should the Nazis succeed in invading Britain. However, none of the printed posters were distributed and the design was not rediscovered until 2000 in a British bookstore.

I think this is a good reminder for a lot of us today as we face random(?) disasters (manmade and natural), problems (self- and others-generated) and hardship. As the Bible says, none of us get to add a day to our lives by worrying.

And to fit with this general idea of not worrying and having things solve themselves, I've changed my welcome picture-banner thing up there to a historical photo of the Yalta Conference starring Churchill, FDR and Stalin that was intended to rebuild the Europe post-war. Of course this whole thing lend to other issues but that's something else...

the first signs of summer

You know summer is around the corner when the buzzing sound of the first house fly that is separated from its freedom by your bedroom window prevents you from napping.

I looked at the annoying pest and thought:
1. The weather JUST warmed up. How did it manage to hatch, learn to fly, accumulate such enormous mass AND get into my bedroom in such a short period of time?
2. How did it manage to get into my room? Surely it couldn't have pulled its fat self through the tiny pores of my window screen...
3. Most importantly, how can I make it leave?

I guess groundhogs tell you when spring arrives. House flies tell you when summer is almost here.

自我檢討

有時候, 我覺得我很需要一個敢閙我, 一個敢毫不客氣跟我説話的人. 我懶惰的時候會踢我, 我"克人爭"的時候又會跟我說, 做錯又會毫不偶爾指出我的錯誤. 但是, 我大部分時間都是一個滿恐怖的人, 又不容易接受批評, 反而會覺得夠膽對我誠實的人對我有敵意. 説到底, 我都是覺得自己是一個很小氣的人, 不喜歡給別人"話", 又惡又大聲, 搞到無人敢跟我說這些事. 真是要好好自己檢討一下...

Just a weird funny thought: recently, I realized that as much as I love and adore Vancouver, I feel like I belong in China.

Alice in Wonderland

Alice: It's impossible...

Hatter: Only if you believe it is.

強心針

To choose doubt as a philosophy of life is akin to choosing immobility as a means of transportation.


- Yann Martel, Life of Pi