CBK

For the past few days, I've been busily working on my Unabomber essay, waking up extra early and all that, only to find out today that the professor has postponed the paper for two weeks. I'm relieved but at the same time somewhat ticked off because I've been working so hard on it and have been looking forward to handing it in on Thursday.

I wish I can say that I will effectively use these two weeks to improve and polish it better but I honestly doubt that will happen. I really wished that I was someone who really puts it more effort and drives for perfection, instead of someone who just put the minimum amount of effort in and just aims to get the work finish. I have to say that my 'minimum amount of effort' probably gets me further than most people's 'minimum amount of effort' but I just know that if i really tried, i can really do that much better and would've probably reached most of my goals by now (instead of just forgetting about them or changing my mind about them). I don't know why I have such a hard time motivating myself to really get off my ass and really do really well in something instead of being satisfactory in everything. And whenever I do actually manage to get off my ass (oh, a once in a blue moon kinda thing), I just sit back down and lose drive just as quickly.

I'm not just talking about academics or school but also in my relationship with God, my relationship with people, my fitness plan, my savings, my relationship with my family, my worship leading, my fellowship vice-chairperson being, my singing, my devotional life, my character building. Everything.

And this is the worse part, the part that I most loath in myself: my sitting here whining about this and then tomorrow I will wake up and everything will still be the same. I will still pick songs for Sunday's worship without spending enough time praying. I will still go to fellowship and just count the offering, take attendance and that's it for my vice-chairman tasks. I will still talk back to my mom or ignore my dad. I will still aim to finish a 15-page paper instead of aiming to finish a perfect 15-page paper. I will still not read the Bible for days at end. I will still doubt things that people say and not take them for face-value. I will still spend more money than I really should. I will still sleep in instead of going to the gym. I will still not trust the people that I really should trust by now.

I need to be a CBK: a 'cycle-breaking Kathy'.

But today, yes at least today, I felt truly disgusted with myself and was honest about it. So sue me.

Time to Love

For the very first time in my life, I heard my voice singing on the radio (I missed it last week haha). I must say, it was rather nerve racking. I wonder what people think or say when they hear it (maybe they don't notice haha). I just think I sound very different and 比真人溫柔得多 haha.

Thank you Deakin for giving me this chance of singing a great song and making me feel like a 歌手 by playing the song on the radio and calling me a "本地歌手". I don't know if I'll ever have a chance like this in the future.

and thank you 鄭少 for waiting two hours by the radio with me haha.

自我檢討

有時候, 我覺得我很需要一個敢閙我, 一個敢毫不客氣跟我説話的人. 我懶惰的時候會踢我, 我"克人爭"的時候又會跟我說, 做錯又會毫不偶爾指出我的錯誤. 但是, 我大部分時間都是一個滿恐怖的人, 又不容易接受批評, 反而會覺得夠膽對我誠實的人對我有敵意. 説到底, 我都是覺得自己是一個很小氣的人, 不喜歡給別人"話", 又惡又大聲, 搞到無人敢跟我說這些事. 真是要好好自己檢討一下...

Just a weird funny thought: recently, I realized that as much as I love and adore Vancouver, I feel like I belong in China.

Alice in Wonderland

Alice: It's impossible...

Hatter: Only if you believe it is.

好稍息

I now have definite traveling plans for this summer, thanks to my expiring Asia Miles.

No way am I letting those 26 000 points (aka 3 trips to HK in the past 4 years) going to waste without using them to go to more places.

Suddenly, graduation doesn't look too bad after all!

強心針

To choose doubt as a philosophy of life is akin to choosing immobility as a means of transportation.


- Yann Martel, Life of Pi

The End of Two Weeks of Non-Productivity

With the 2010 Games finished, packed up, and (almost) gone, I have to get ready for the hell-hole known as UBC again. Actually, I say that now but I know I will miss it within a few months.